


No Courage Just Yet

by TheHorrorsOfButt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Awkward Crush, Flashbacks, M/M, Swearing, pesterlogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-08-28 23:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHorrorsOfButt/pseuds/TheHorrorsOfButt
Summary: Dave has to confess something really important to Karkat.It's not going very well.





	No Courage Just Yet

You look over at Karkat, laying down on the couch with his computer in his lap, typing furiously into his word processor. He has an intense look in his eyes, like he's walking a tightrope. His fingers fly over the keyboard like a hacker from one of those cheap Hollywood movies Sollux likes to complain about.

He looks up at you, the tension slowly leaving his face. "You need something, Strider?" he asks, tilting his head a little as if to try to decipher you.

"Uh, no man, everything's cool," you say, attempting to hide your embarrassment at being caught staring. "Why?"

"You've been staring at me for the past five minutes, you fucking weirdo," he shoots back. "Were you hit with the sudden realization that my grim visage is simply too ugly to comprehend?"

You laugh a bit, uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah, totally. Some Cthulhu shit going on over there, or whatever." Christ, you just called your crush ugly. You mean, he made the joke, but still. Fuck, how the hell are you supposed to tell this guy you like him?

Right, _that's_ why you're here. You promised yourself you would do this. Well, you also promised someone else.

Sort of.

 

#### Earlier that day:

"Come on, Dave! Why would Karkat freak out about this? You know he's pansexual, and I'm basically the only straight friend he has at this point." John says. He's been trying to get you to come out to Karkat Vantas, your best friend. What John doesn't know about the situation is that acceptance in this case isn't really the big issue here. Karkat already knows you're bi.

The big issue is that you've had a crush on Karkat for a few months now. Maybe more than a crush. You haven't told anyone that, not even your best bro, John.

"Just ask if he wants to study after school or something," John suggests.

As of late, you haven't been able to hang out with Karkat without acting like a love-sick puppy. Not that that's stopped you or anything, but nonetheless you are pretty nervous about spending so much time alone with him.

Then again, you think about telling Karkat that you like him, and him saying something like "Of course I like you, you fucking idiot!" and then making out on the couch all night, your studies forgotten. The slight chance that that could happen to you sends your heart fucking _soaring._

It's with that train of thought that you open your mouth and say, "Alright, I'll do it."

John cheers as you pull out your phone and message Karkat.

\--  turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  at 12:01 --

TG: yo karkat  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? I'M IN CLASS RIGHT NOW.  
TG: i needed to know if you wanted to hang together tonight  
TG: work on homework and shit  
TG: and just fuckin chill like bros do  
CG: OH!  
CG: FUCK YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.  
CG: EXCEPT NEVER CALL ME "bro" EVER AGAIN IN YOUR DREADFUL, LIMITED EXISTENCE.  
TG: sorry bro  
TG: thats what you signed up for when you decided to ride the strider wagon  
TG: might as well get used to it  
CG: SOMEDAY YOU WILL BE DEAD.  
TG: but it is a yes, right  
CG: OF COURSE.  
CG: YOU WANT TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE?  
TG: hell yeah, sounds great  
TG: ill meet you after school then  
CG: SEE YOU THEN, FUCKER.  
TG: yeah, seeya then  
TG: bro

\--  turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  \--

Immediately after the message, you start to wonder if it was such a good idea after all. Your brain didn't bother to think up all the rejection scenarios, some plausible and some not. It does now, though, and you picture them in excruciating detail. You put your face in your hands and sigh.

"Dave, I'm just trying to look out for you, here. I mean, you don't _have_ to come out to anyone if you don't want to, but I'm just saying that Karkat's, like, your best friend—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," you cut him off. "But I just..." You can't think of a way to end that sentence. All you can do is think about the maybe one-in-a-thousand chance Karkat actually likes you back. You focus on that, and you do your best to ignore the thoughts of him hating you forever because you know he wouldn't.

All you have to do is say, "Karkat, I like you." It's simple. What could go wrong?

 

#### Present:

It's been about fifteen minutes since you locked yourself in Karkat's bathroom because you were freaking the fuck out. So, yeah, that's what could go wrong.

Your phone buzzes, and you see that John's pestering you.

\--  ectoBiologist [EB]  began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]  at 19:03 --

EB: hey dave! how's everything going with karkat?  
TG: pretty good  
EB: that's awesome! see, i told you things would work out.  
TG: oh, i dont mean that i actually told him  
TG: in fact ive been in his bathroom for like 15 minutes now  
TG: but, yknow, other than that its going pretty good  
EB: hm.  
TG: yeah, yeah, i know  
TG: and listen  
TG: under normal circumstances i would be pretty dumb to think that a pansexual who helped start the school's lgbt+ group would be mad at me for being bi  
EB: normal circumstances?  
TG: uh  
TG: maybe theres something i should tell you

You spend the next minute working up the nerve to tell John you have a crush. You're right in the middle of typing when said crush knocks on the bathroom door.

"You okay in there, asshole?" he asks from the other side. "I didn't scare you off with my horrible face, did I?" He forces a laugh, but the concern in his voice is clear.

"Nah, bro. I'm just having an absolute monster of a shit right now. It's a fuckin' fountain in here. Just some absolute Denny's shits going on in this room," you ramble back at him. You know you ramble a lot more when you're nervous, and Karkat definitely also knows that by now.

"Ugh, you're not using my bathroom ever again. I wasn't asking for a detailed list of your personal medical problems, Strider," he says. Most people would just assume he's begrudgingly playing along with the bit, but you can hear the reluctance in his voice, the worry. He knows there's something wrong.

You hear him start to slowly walk away, and you're suddenly reminded of something you meant to say to him earlier.

"Uh, hey 'Kat?"

You hear him stop and walk back over to the door. "What?" he asks.

"Your face isn't ugly. It's actually really, uh,"— you pause briefly to try to come up with a word that doesn't sound too much like you're coming on to him—"nice."

There's a pause on the other side of the door as he thinks of how to respond. Your heart skips a beat. Then the voice on the other side of the door awkwardly grumbles "Thanks," and you think you might have something resembling a pulse again.

Karkat walks away again, and this time, you don't stop him. Christ, you're embarrassing around him. Why are you like this?

You notice your phone buzzing and remember that you were about to confess to John.

EB: dave?  
EB: you there?  
EB: oh i bet he's pulling you out of the bathroom right now.  
TG: he tried to  
TG: i bravely defended my territory  
TG: like a guy getting kicked out of a burger king for assaulting the staff when they tell him he cant get extra sauce packets  
EB: so what were you going to tell me?  
TG: well

This is it. Moment of truth.

TG: it was never about coming out to him  
EB: ..what?  
TG: that was just a dumb lie I made up  
TG: john, i kind of have a huge fucking crush on Karkat  
TG: thats right  
TG: shouty mcdoofus is the love of my life  
TG: i should have told you earlier  
EB: oooohhhh!  
EB: that explains a LOT.  
TG: how so  
EB: that you were so reluctant to tell him.  
EB: not to mention i see you two together ALL THE TIME!!  
EB: i always thought that he had a crush on you and you were the one who didn't like him back.  
EB: man, why didn't you tell me?  
TG: i dont know  
TG: bc i like to be mysterious and aloof  
TG: and because i guess i was worried you would make fun of me or whatever  
EB: i wouldn't do that.  
TG: i know you wouldnt  
TG: but i was still afraid of it happening i guess  
EB: i understand.  
EB: are you going to tell him?  
TG: i dont know if i can handle that  
TG: i barely managed to say "i like your face" without melting into a pile of gay teen hormones  
EB: see, you're getting somewhere!  
EB: look, i'm not going to pressure you to do it now.  
EB: if you can't do it tonight, that's fine.  
EB: just know that this is a big thing, and you probably will have to tell him at some point.  
TG: yeah, i know  
TG: i guess well see  
TG: thanks, john  
EB: good luck, casanova.

\--  ectoBiologist [EB]  ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

You prepare to leave the bathroom, hoping for the best and expecting the worst. You are pretty fucking bad around him, after all.

 

#### Earlier that day, but not as early as before:

Karkat scowls at you when he sees you walking over, clearly trying to hide the imminent grin that threatens to overtake his face. It's cute as fuck, and you spend a few seconds remembering how to form sentences before you finally manage to greet him with a "'Sup."

"Hey, dickhead," he responds affectionately. Up closer, you see that he's painted his nails black today, which you also happen to think is cute as fuck. "Cute as fuck" is honestly a term your brain uses to describe him a little too often.

"So," you begin, "we all set to blow this fuckin' booksicle stand?"

"That's really the best you came up with?" He's not even trying to hide his grin anymore as he grabs his bag and begins to follow you out of the school.

"Hey, man," you respond with faux-offense, "sometimes a bro can't think of what to say. After all, I already spent all day learning in this great American Educational System™, my brain's pretty fuckin' fried."

You pass by John as you exit the school. He gives you a thumbs up, and you pretend not to see him.

"You okay?" Karkat asks. He's been asking that a lot, lately. Probably because you don't act like a normal human being around him anymore.

"Better than ever. Why?"

"I don't know. You've just been acting really fucking weird these past few days."

"How so?" you question, feigning ignorance.

"Never mind. I'm just being a weird douchebag"—he looks up at you with a crooked smile and gets _real_ close to your face, and your heart explodes out of your chest like Alien—"not to be confused with you."

You don't respond to him right away. You're still lost in the warmth of his breath, the kindness hidden in his eyes. By the time you recover, he's definitely noticed. Thankfully for you, he doesn't bring it up again.

You realize you're going to have to tell this guy you like him tonight. Fuck.

 

#### Oh, for Christ's sake! Quit plodding down memory lane and TALK TO HIM:

As much as you hate to admit it, the scene title is right. You're going to have to face your fears, after all. You can't wait anymore.

When you finally leave the bathroom, you come downstairs to find Karkat pacing around the room, and you feel like even more of a piece of shit for making him worry so much about you.

"Hey," you blurt out, clearly startling him.

He tries (and fails) to regain his composure and then says, "Hey, Dave. Finally decided to leave the beautiful confines of my smelly bathroom, huh?"

"There was too much shit, man. I couldn't even fit in the room anymore," you shoot back. Karkat seems like he knows you're still on edge about something, but at least visibly relaxes a little when he sees you're still goofing around.

You both slide onto opposite ends of the couch. He's done with the paper he was writing. You haven't done shit tonight and he knows it. You could cut the tension between you two with a sword you mean knife.

"Listen, Dave," Karkat suddenly cuts through your thoughts, making you jump a little. "I don't know if there's something going on in your life right now, and you don't have to tell me if there is. But if there's anything I can do, or anything I can help you with, just let me know, okay?" He talks quietly, with no hint of sarcasm or his trademark performative anger. His voice right now reminds you of a therapist, and you suddenly feel even more vulnerable.

That's it. You can't have him worried half to death about your stupid gay crush. Time to say what you came here to say. You can't take this anymore.

"Karkat, there's something I need to tell you," you manage.

He looks at you, no longer hiding anything in his expression. His eyes show naked concern and kindness, all out in the open. You feel so lucky to be one of the only people who gets to see him this way. "What is it?" he asks.

Fuck, here goes.

"So uh," you begin, "I've had kind of a crush on you for a little bit." You look away from him, not wanting to see his reaction just yet. "So I was just wondering, I guess, if you like me back of course, uh, would you wanna maybe go on a date sometime?" You fucking did it. It came out disjointed and strange, but you fucking did it.

Silence follows. Your heart isn't even skipping beats anymore, it's fucking gone away on holiday. You barely have time to prepare for what Karkat says next.

"Of course I like you, you fucking idiot!" he practically screams, scaring the absolute piss out of you. You look at him with a mixture of happiness and shock.

He's got this adorable manic grin on his face, and you let yourself smile back. "Oh, that's good," you say awkwardly, not quite sure how to react to the situation that is going down right now.

"Fuck, thank fuck _that's_ what you were so nervous about. Christ, everyone always fucking teases me about liking you, I'd think you'd be able to figure it the fuck out!" he exclaims. He swears a lot when he gets excited, and hey what a shock you also think that's cute as fuck.

"Well, in my defense, you should have made it way more obvious, because I didn't notice anything," you argue back. "Believe me, I've been looking for signs for months, and didn't see shit. Those people probably just guessed and got lucky."

"Oh, fuck off. I absolutely dropped hints all over the fucking place. You're just stupid," he teases you.

"Hey, I'm the smartest fuckin' person in the whole school, bro, so you better shut your mouth right now!" you retort with mock-anger.

He stares at you with a devilish look in his eyes. "Make me."

So you make him.

 

#### Later that night:

\--  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]  at 00:13 --

CG: HEY BITCHASS ITS ME  
CG: KARKAT VANTAS, KING OF STUPID  
CG: BLUH BLUH BLUHSFALGHSD IM A FUCKING IDOIT  
EB: hi dave!  
CG: fuck, blew my cover already  
CG: damn, egbert, are you a spy  
EB: you've done this to everyone we know.  
CG: well you gotta admit i'm not that far off from his actual texts  
EB: fair.  
EB: so is everything okay?  
CG: better than okay  
CG: i told him  
EB: that's great! what did he say?  
CG: that he also likes me  
CG: so basically we're dating now  
EB: oh shiiiiiiiit!  
EB: that's awesome!  
CG: yeah, he's basically all over my dick noowifj oijodfsai ghgiuhruufhhubhjfiuiuhfruh  
EB: dave?  
CG: THAT FUCKER.  
CG: WAIT, SHIT.  
CG: OKAY, THAT'S BETTER.  
EB: hi karkat!  
CG: HI DIPSHIT!  
EB: dave was just telling me about you two. congrats!  
CG: OH, YEAH. THANKS.  
EB: oh, fuck, you guys are gonna be soo cute together!  
CG: OKAY, *FUCK* THAT.

\--  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]  \--

Karkat puts his phone down with a groan, then looks over at you and pretends to be pissed. You snicker back at him.

"Shut the fuck up," he tells you with a smile.

You lean in close to his face, able to feel the warmth of his hot breath without shame, and whisper, "Make me."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic so let me know what you think of it! It's kind of a giant garbage mess but I'm glad I finally got something out there.
> 
> Gonna be writing more stuff in the future.


End file.
